Early Marriage or Late Marriage, Where Do We Fit In? Welcome to CeeJayInfo

Tuesday, 7 November 2017

Early Marriage or Late Marriage, Where Do We Fit In?

In nowadays society, besides some exceptions, it is a proven fact that people are getting married later than our previous generations.

Let's just take, as an example, our parents, not to mention our grandparents; they used to live in a world where such special experiences, which can be considered milestones in our lives, "happened" way much earlier.

Marriage is surely not the only experience that fits in this category, however, I`d like to focus on this very special and discussed topic.

Reactions to the "M" word are generally very different, from frightened to enthusiastic, thrilled or just curious, who jumps into it with both feet or who rationally says: I`m pretty sure I won`t be getting there ever.

I guess I can honestly say the last case applied to me a while ago.

Well, I would like to reassure this last category of people, unfortunately, not all of the decisions we make are 100% rational, especially when they involve feelings.

In a way or another many of you will get (or you`re already on your way) inexorably "there".

Getting married later it surely has its benefits, it can give us enough time to fulfill our "early stage" goals, conclude our education or start a good career, travel freely whenever we want and if we can afford it, decide how do we want to spend our everyday life without consulting anyone, how to organize (or not) our stuff in our homes, in short, live your life without the need to find a compromise or to find a common ground with your second half.

On the other hand, when two people get married "later", they both have already their bag of experiences, which is itself not a bad thing at all, by the way.

All experiences, good or bad, easy or tough, shape our character in a way or another.

If our personality, partially, is the sum of the many habits we develop over time due to many reasons and inputs, consciously or not, the logical consequence is the more we grow up the stronger our habits become and the more our identity gets defined.

At a certain point for some of us, to find a compromise when it comes to the many things that will arise when we decide to share our living space with a partner might require a bigger effort.

I`d say that living happily with someone requires some effort, but to which extent are we willing to compromise?

And how difficult can be to compromise on the "hot topics", and on our consolidated habits?

I believe it`s pretty much all about finding the right balance, so easy to say, slightly harder to achieve.

Points of views are obviously different between man and women, (I know, men are from Mars, women are from Venus sounds like a cliche).

What one sees wrong, looks perfectly fine for the other one and who`s right?

Who should "give up and surrender" first?

Are we both able to admit our faults?

Is admitting a mistake a sign of weakness or maturity and moral strength?

So many questions... , I suppose we can all agree that if you have the tendency to overthink, marriage might be the right choice for you.

Your brain will never get bored or lazy.

But I digress, I just wanted to draw your attention on the tradeoffs, growing up together/getting married earlier, maybe during our 20`s or later on, 30`s or later.

While the first case we can be more malleable, and sharing key "early" experiences helps a lot, there is a high risk to give up part of our aspirations.

In the second case, at some point might be harder to find an agreement or a common ground on certain topics.

However with good will, reciprocal respect and appreciation and the right feelings everything can be worked out, it might require a short period of adjustment, just to get used to the idea, oh..and to the constant presence of our partner, if you managed to get through this "troubled time" alive and well, be sure the reward will be worth the trouble.

Even though, several years ago, I thought I would never choose, willingly at least, to get married, today I can definitely say: well... after all, I don`t regret this choice.

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